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porn > Fried Twinkies > Marketing

Fried Twinkies: A Comprehensive Guide

II. Marketing Fried Twinkies

Ptomaine Wagon Method

For selling the confections at fairgrounds, rent a vending truck equipped with a kitchen, prop up the window flaps, and string cheap twinkle lights from the corner poles on the roof to frame a vinyl banner touting "FRIED TWINKIES". This banner uses ALL CAPS in a white font against a red background. A small floodlight helps to draw sugar-hungry crowds at night, like moths to a deep fat fryer.

fried Twinkie wagon


Mobile Kitchen Method

If you require sturdier facilities, haul a mobile kitchen to the fairgrounds, hide the wheels with an ornamental vinyl duster, plant flags on the roof edge, and mimic the font used by Hostess (Interstate Brands Corporation) to advertise the greasy sponges. Note the i's dotted with hearts, and the use of both red and yellow (the psychologically appetite-whetting colors) to lure your victims.

Fried Twinkie stand

Signage

If you have already invested in signage that says "DEEP FRIED CANDY BARS" and a cartoon illustration of an eager consumer with sugar-fevered eyes and an open mouth anticipating a second bite of a partially-eaten object on a stick, then hang a dedicated fried Twinkie sign above the vending window.

Fried Twinkies $3

Photographically reproduce the exact Hostess logo for Twinkies, but add the word "fried" in front of it to let your customers know precisely what to order. Clearly display the price in bold numerals.

Pricing

Three dollars seems to be the highest rate fairgoing, fat-craving customers are willing to pay for a fried Twinkie. Because regular Twinkies cost $.31 each wholesale, the profit margin will be worth your cost.

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Next: Serving Fried Twinkies

Etiquette for Eating Fried Twinkies

Previously:Cooking Fried Twinkies

 

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